Breaking Free From Busyness Burnout

the busy bug

Being busy may not come with the distinction you think it does. For some, being busy means your hard work finally paid off or for others, it can be a point of pride- being busy means people need you and therefore you’re important and valued. However, when left unchecked, busy can become our norm and can leave a lasting  impact on our physical and mental well-being. In fact, studies show that busyness can impact our self-esteem and our motivation and, at it’s worst, can lead to presenteeism and burnout.

But for women, there’s an even darker side to the the busy bug- it perpetuates gender inequality. Women leaders have an endless list of tasks to accomplish on a daily basis. They are not only in charge at work, but many are also running the home front, managing household chores and kids’ schedules, caring for aging parents, and serving in their communities, from the PTA to non-profit boards to elected positions.

Our nature is to nurture, and if we always say yes because we don’t know how or we’re afraid to say no, there is no end to what people will ask of us.

The impact of this constant state of doing is that women are left with little time for ourselves. When we do have time, it often feels stolen or we experience feelings of guilt and shame for putting ourselves first rather than tending to the needs of others.

breaking free

Breaking free from busyness takes more than a change in job or environment, despite what we may believe. One of my clients recently left a senior manager role in global operations to take on a less demanding director position at another company. She was so burnt out that when the job offer came, she jumped at the opportunity to leave behind the 20-hour days of the last decade, ready to reclaim her agency and her life. When we met three months later, she described to me the familiar pull to produce results with every spare moment of her day. She felt hopeless in her inability to finally achieve the work-life balance she so deeply craved.

She's not alone. This propensity for busyness deeply resonates with me, as well. When I retired from the Army in 2021, I thought the frenetic pace I had maintained for much of my adult life would end with my service. What I found instead, was an unsettling need to continually do something productive with my time and the constant churn of anxious energy. 

busy is a badge of honor

When I questioned this drive for constant busyness, I learned that being busy isn’t a state of being, it’s become a badge of honor. In the last century, society experienced a radical shift in its definition of status, from leisure to busyness; as we moved away from manual work to knowledge-centric work, productivity became harder to measure without all the widgets and wickets to count. Now, we have to look busy at the office to let others know our knowledge is sought after and therefore, we’re important.

However, most of us can only sustain a hectic lifestyle for so long before we burn out or break. 

I've had numerous clients come to me asking the same question, is this what life is all about? I have the degrees, the successful job, the kids, the house, all the things that society told me I needed to be happy, but where is the time for me? Is this what success is supposed to feel like?

mind your own busyness

In my personal journey and in the work I do with high-performing women, I’ve learned that busyness is more about our mindset than it is about the work we do, how we do it, or when we do it. After years of running our engines at high RPMs, busyness becomes a deeply ingrained pattern, one that we can only reset with self-awareness and intentional action. 

There is room for you in this busy life of yours. Finding it starts with changing your expectations and the stories you tell yourself about slowing down, asking for help, and saying no. 

Rewiring your patterns is a journey but it’s one you don’t have to take alone. I work with both a coach and a therapist as I continue to learn to balance my life and career. In my practice, I work with women leaders everyday to help them uncover their personal stories, and generate actions that move them toward reclaiming their agency and their lives while continuing to lead others in ways that are both sustainable and authentic.